bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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