sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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You have to summon your inner elephant
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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