his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize