just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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