i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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