Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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