then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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