i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize