a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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