i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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