Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My pussy is not your playground.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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