why didn't you poke me back
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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