I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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