I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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