Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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