Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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