my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize