Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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