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ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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