i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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