mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love having hate sex.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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