so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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