i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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