Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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