I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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