She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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