i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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