Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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