Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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