I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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