Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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