Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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