Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize