I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
false alarm. still invincible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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