Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize