it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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