Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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