the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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