Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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