checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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