Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize