Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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