apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize