A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize