Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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