stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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