I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize