I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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