If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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