while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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